Bo Fo' Sho' by Bo Burnham

Walking my poodles, man it never gets old
with my dogs on my leash I got bitches on the hold,
a first aids kit? that's a rhesus monkey,
I bust more nuts than a pistachio junkie!
get more ass than a giant donkey stable,
got more lines than Whitney Houston's coffee table,
I get more head than grammar school lice,
I'm like a walking glacier I'm so decked out with ice.

Did you poop a virgin? cause that shit is tight.
jack ain't black, Barry ain't white.
I do drugs in the bedroom, lie on your back
cause I got the pipe and you got the crack.
though I'm sexually straight, your bound to find,
I'm mentally gay, cause I'll blow your mind.
the parents be snickering "he shouldn't have written it"
but I'm constipated, couldn't give a shit.

chorus:
My name is bo fo sho,
a born Bostonian,
Aryan librarian at the WORD Smithsonian
the rap is scattered, it hides its ingenuity,
i gave it this little part to give it continuity.

the fellas say
hey moron pass the gin
cause I'm an Oxymoron breathing Oxygen
give me the bottle, I'll chug two thirds
cause you bitches know fractions speak louder than words

and the ladies say
hey fellas I'm keeping it tight and if you play your cards right you can have me tonight
should I blow you or beat you, brass or percussion?
oh stop, PERIOD end of discussion

chorus...

walking through the garden with food at my feet, picked up the celery but dropped the beat (beet).

we're in the hood ill take what you give me
was Einstein's theory good...relatively
a smart queen's king dumb, it doesn't mix
a litter of literates, a bunch of Moby dicks
"get thee to a punnery" o-just to-pheelia
take you with a condom "stainless-steal" ya.
half a pound of turkey breast, half a pound of chicken tits,
why are only crackers staying at the Ritz?
poverty, racism, isn't it strange,
that only the homeless are begging for change?
I shocked Sherlock
What, son? (Watson) (watt, son?)
Rosa Parks didn't call "shotgun"!
here's a bit of irony
a Ford Focus driver has ADD
How'd I come to master all these things?
like a tampon thief, I had to pull some strings.