Rehab Center for Fictional Characters by Bo Burnham

hey I'm Santa Claus, I'm the king of snow
I hate my wife because she is ho ho ho
She used to please me everyday then she made it clear
that Santa's only s'pose to come once a year
Now I buy whores Rock n Roll
and I stuff their stockings with my north pole

I had a wonderful life with a healthy household
and a beautiful wife and a pot full of gold
then my wife spent my riches all by herself
and since women are bitches, blew a keebler elf
now I drink all day and a part of me dies
cause my wife's gettin gangbanged by the Rice Krispie guys

Everyday I get up, and I get to work late, my boss says "hey whatsup?"
I say I'm grrrrrrowing tired of this shit.  The kids they laugh cause im a sensitive cat
"big pussy!"  I cant argue with that.  If another kid gives me frosted flakes
I swear on my life, I'll eat his parents.

I'm the easter bunny hey I'm back, used to funny now im hooked on crack
heaps of heroine ain't no joke, marshmallow peeps covered in coke coke coke coke
coooooke
drugs for life that's my plan but now I have no attention sp.....


Hey Pat did you hear? All my elves got sick
I think they got herpes from some irish chick

santa, tony, could you guys please stop?
oh snap.....crackle and pop